strange things.

About the other night;

I didn't know what it was. It was the most bipolar I've ever experienced.
The afternoon & evening was craazy, I laughed so hard for so long. I don't remember the last time I was ever like that. I was literally laughing for one hour straight at one point, our stomachs hurt so bad after and we got so drained that we all had to take a nap as a result.

So that was the extreme high.

At night, the uni had an International Dean's Dinner at a hotel, all international students from all years, and all courses were there. But-the minute I stepped in the place, an overwhelming, unexplainable sadness blanketed over me. It came flooding in from every direction instantaneously; entirely suffocating, and then I couldn't feel anything except for that one emotion. Didn't know where it came from, and more importantly, didn't know how to let it go. It was weird. I couldn't find the right words to say, and when I did, I couldn't open my mouth to say it, my jaws felt locked. Smiling for the camera was the hardest, whenever I did, I felt like crying. The whole night I couldn't make myself to look like I was feeling normal, it was near impossible. I didn't make conversation to people who initiated it with me and I just completely ignored everyone else. I didn't do it on purpose, and I am, sorry.



I still don't understand what came over me. I think I had too much going on earlier that day and was just too tired and worn out come night time. Maybe the feeling wasn't sadness at all, just extreme fatigue. Eitherway, I hope it never happens again. It scared the shit out of me. If there are psychologists reading this, please, may I ask, "what happened there?". Am highly intrigued. Well, thank you, and goodnite.