3

in your love, my salvation lies
in your love, my salvation lies
in your love, my salvation lies

exams in two weeks and i've had the worst preparation, really. i'm spending at most 2 hours a day studying which means typically it'll only be one hour a day (excluding library sessions). pathetic, considering there's 24 effin' hours a day. still trying to study more but I find it hard to concentrate nowadays, don't know why. even if i don't have electronic-distracters i.e. TV and computer i'd still struggle to focus on the work at hand. I'd rather stare in blank space and think abt important things like 'how is it we all look so different when we're all the same' and 'what time is it now'.

i've learned recently that 1) self-abuse is a good thing. not physically but more to emotionally where it serves as a motivational tool. I find with self-abuse you end up realising what your real limits are instead of the limits you pre-judged for yourself. alot of times, people underestimate themselves in regards to what they are capable of doing and so they don't really push themselves. with self-abuse, you at first think it's going to break you but you push for it anyway, and in the end you'll realise the whole thing really wasn't a big deal and u were just a Wimp.

2) I have to stop over-analyzing things before I see everything as a metaphor or symbolism for something. things are what they are and sometimes they have nil meaning and the whole thing could be totally pointless. i think the whole thing gets tiring after some time but on the other hand, it's hard to not think abt it when i'm so used to it. starting to not make sense here. and 3) i finally get this, 'to fear fear itself'. with a new day, i would think that everyone gets a clean slate and anything insignificant they did the day before, regardless of how people felt towards it, will not be remembered and never again mentioned. you could go literally crazy for an entire day and say the weirdest things and appear normal again the next day and it wouldn't be weird. or does this actually depend on the kind of friends you have? probably. we'll have to check your past records on your average level of sanity to determine this. run a Poisson distribution. we'll see, we'll see.

stop here. neutral milk hotel-in the aeroplane over the sea, ghost. really intense music.