F. Eloquence

the thought of drama is making me sick to the stomach, queasy, and then sick again. just want to get it over and done with. seriously. i keep messing up the lines during rehearsal on top of which, i laugh when other people are saying theirs, which affects their performance. i don't do it on purpose, really, it just comes. golden rule: will try to keep a straight face when acting. will laugh ass-off backstage when not in scene. (+will not laugh at lame jokes that arise during any of the shows, but will consider snickering if they tried really hard, to the point where it seems pathetic. now, i'm being nice.)

trying to distant myself from fake eloquence and lame jokes. (these two qualities are in fact the building blocks of my writing and i don't know why i'm striving for the impossible). They really are Cheap Tricks. and profanities in general because it is offensive and degrading and i don't understand why people sometimes feel the need to diss other people on their blogs with excessive profanities which are typed out in large, bold, colourful, flashing fonts--you do realise it's a pathetic way to get attention? if you'll just direct that energy to actually doing something worthwhile, thanks very much. (and telling them to do something worthwhile is worthwhile, so, i win). In terms of daily conversations, replacing them with words like 'fish' however really do strip away direly needed cool points. maybe will replace it with 'Awuuga' and see how it works.

i sound like Bridget Jones in this. V. v. disconcerting.